Ironically, people with narcissistic personality disorder can actually have low self-esteem, even though they’re arrogant and act like they’re better than everyone. [1] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Like all parents, you want the best for your child. However, overindulging your child can actually cause narcissism because your kid might learn to expect special treatment from everyone. [2] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
Their ego is overly inflated. They feel entitled to everything they want and to special treatment. They believe they’re special and better than other kids. They lie about their skills and achievements. They use gaslighting to manipulate people. They take advantage of others or blame them for their failures. They have unrealistic fantasies about what they can achieve. They become aggressive or violent when criticized or embarrassed. They envy other kids. They lack empathy.
Consistently tell your child that you love them as they are. Say, “I’ll always love you, no matter what. ” Praise their efforts, not their achievements. Say things like, “Hard work is what matters. Good job!” or “I’m so proud of you for sticking with it. ”
You might ask them what they notice about your relationships. You could say, “Did you see how I spoke kindly to my friend?” or “I just got invited to a party on the same day I offered to help Grandma. What do you think I should do?”
“When we call people names, it really hurts their feelings. We speak kindly to others so they speak kindly to us. ” “I understand why you want a new phone. At the same time, we have to wait for things that we want. It hurts my feelings when you demand items from me. ” “I know you’re really busy with work, but I am, too. I’m really overwhelmed by the help you expect from me. We both need to do a better job of taking care of our own needs. ”
If your child is very young, you might say, “We don’t throw toys at each other. Next time, tell me when you’re upset. We’re going to sit here for a few minutes while you calm down. ” If your child is school-aged, you could say, “We don’t hit. It’s important that we keep our hands to ourselves. Next time, use your words. You’re going to spend the rest of the evening in your room so you have time to think about what you did. ” For a teen, say something like: “We don’t lie in this family. I’m really hurt that you deceived me, and I’m worried you could put yourself in an unsafe situation. You’re grounded for the next two weeks. ”
You could say, “I noticed that you did a great job listening to Grandma’s story today. I’m really proud of you,” or “Your teacher says you listened well in class today. Great job!”
Helping you with a chore. Assisting a sibling. Volunteering. Showing affection. Saying “thank you. ” Apologizing for a mistake.
“I’m not going to talk to you when you’re yelling. I’ll respond when you speak calmly. ” “It’s not okay for you to call your sister names. If you do, I’m going to take away a privilege. ” “I’m not going to buy you a toy while we’re grocery shopping. ”
When you won’t buy them a toy, they might throw a tantrum. You could say, “I understand why you’re upset, but we’re not here for toys. Sometimes we can’t have what we want right away. ” When they lose a sports game, they could react angrily. You could say, “Losing is frustrating, but it’s something we all experience. What’s important is having fun and doing your best. I’m proud of you for playing. ” Expect your child to react angrily when you say “no,” at least at first. It’ll take them time to get used to it.
“You did a great job cleaning your room today. On the other hand, I noticed you didn’t do your homework. You’re so smart, so I don’t want you to get a zero on the assignment. ” “You played a great game today. However, it was rude to tease the other team. You really hurt their feelings. You’re so smart, I’m sure you could come up with something nice to say. ”
You can find a therapist on Better Help. You might even go to family therapy so you all learn to understand the disorder and communicate better. [13] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Set aside some time just for you. You may be able to relax at night after the kids go to bed. Alternatively, ask someone to babysit your child so you can have a few hours to treat yourself.
