In a post on December 28 on the U.K.-based discussion site Mumsnet, user haveagentlechristmas explained: “The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he’s 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support—which he was only paying a fraction of anyway.”
Five years before this, she explained that she and her kids had moved 70 miles away from her ex so they could “start a new life away from him and his weird ways.”
Now with their own life and routine, the mom explained that it has been hard but worth it.
But since her ex has decided to retire, he suggested the option of coming to help more with the children—although there’s a catch.
“[My] ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to ‘camp in his campervan’ in January to ‘help’ with the children and to see more of them,” said the mom. “I’m not up for this. Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think. I’m not sure the neighbors will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning.
“I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this,” she said in despair. “What the f*** can I tell him?”
Co-parenting is not always easy, but Ian Steinberg, an associate at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein, LLP who focuses on family law cases, expressed the importance of effective co-parenting. Steinberg told Newsweek: “We tell clients all the time that while you may no longer be with your ex, you will always be their co-parent. You are not the only one going through a separation—your children are going through it as well.
“In order to allow your children to thrive in their new reality, you have to put forth a united front, as co-parents who are both working to the same goal: seeing their children succeed. This is not to mention the fact that you probably need a break, and having a willing and able co-parent can provide you with just that,” he added.
On the now-viral Mumsnet post in more than 290 comments, users have shared their thoughts, advice and reactions.
“Just say no,” said one reply. “He’ll end up in your house all day every day.”
Another agreed: “Tell him no,” while one Mumsnet user said: “You tell him not a chance in hell and if he attempts it you’ll be ringing the police and having him removed and stick to it.”
“While he might not be expressing it in the correct manner, the father is showing an interest in remaining involved in the children’s lives,” said Steinberg. “The mother should work with him to come up with a parenting plan where he has specific days and times in which he can be with the children. This will provide consistency for the whole family and will allow him to feel a part of their lives while setting necessary boundaries.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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