In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/throwawayaccount2701 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) broke down the dynamics between his former and current families and revealed why he refuses to help either of his biological daughters anymore than he already has.
Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for contributing to my stepdaughter’s wedding, instead of giving more money to my daughter to pay off student loans?” the post has received nearly 6,500 upvotes and 2,000 comments in the last day.
“I (51M) have 2 kids (25F, 19F) with my ex,” OP began. “And 2 stepkids (23F, 21M) from my current marriage.”
Continuing to explain that his eldest daughter attended an Ivy League school, the original poster said she is now working towards a master’s degree, but is still in student loan debt.
The original poster also said his 23-year-old stepdaughter is getting married next year, and that he is contributing a substantial amount of money to fund her wedding—much to the dismay of his 25-year-old and her 19-year-old sister.
“Bottom line is that 25F found out I was paying for part of the wedding,” OP wrote. “She’s been pretty upset saying that I could’ve used some of that money to help her out.
“I asked her if she’s struggling with managing everything,” OP continued. “She said no, but that it isn’t fair to her or 19F that I’m spending so much on [the] wedding.
“She got kind of angry with me and I know that she also had a bit of an argument with 23F about it,” OP added. “Even 19F got involved, saying that I shouldn’t be ’throwing all this money’ for the wedding.”
Although gas and groceries have recently skyrocketed into the “expensive” echelon, secondary education and weddings have cost a lot—for a long time.
Last year, the average cost of a wedding in the United States was $28,000, according to The Knot’s annual Real Weddings Survey.
This year, the average amount of student loan debt per borrower is $28,950, according to Forbes.
So while the traditional expectation is for a bride’s family to handle the majority of wedding costs, and the original poster assured that he makes enough money to make a sizable contribution, the amount owed by both his biological daughter and stepdaughter is likely in a similar ballpark.
However, in an addition to his viral Reddit post, the original poster said that when his 25-year-old daughter gets married, he won’t be contributing a dime, despite helping finance his stepdaughter’s “large scale” spectacle, saying that her fiancé “already makes good money,” and that he doesn’t “see eye to eye on most things” with the OP.
Throughout the viral post’s comment section, Redditors took issue with OP’s mindset, ripping the 51-year-old for exhibiting blatant favoritism towards his stepdaughter, while seemingly treating both of his biological children as an afterthought.
“After reading your comments and understand that you are…paying more for your stepdaughter’s wedding than you have to either bio kids’ college funds,” Redditor u/Suspicious-Bill-5943 wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received nearly 26,000 upvotes. “[You are the a**hole]. Majorly so.
“There isn’t any equitable treatment amongst your children,” they continued. “You are creating issues between your daughters that may not have been there otherwise.”
Redditor u/squirlysquirel, whose comment has received nearly 5,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment.
“You clearly favour your step daughter,” they asserted. “If she cannot afforded a huge ‘upscale’ wedding then she should not have planned one.
“Your daughters are hurt because they are being treated unfairly,” they continued. “They are watching [your] new wife and her daughters swoop in and take over all your time, attention and favour.”
“You are a major [a**hole] who’s favouring his stepdaughter over his daughters and seem quite proud of it,” Redditor u/history_buff_9971 chimed in, receiving nearly 3,000 upvotes. “I wouldn’t expect much contact with your daughters in the future if I were you.”
Newsweek reached out to u/throwawayaccount2701 for comment.
